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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30047799">Coming Out / Coming Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/suicidedating/pseuds/suicidedating'>suicidedating</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex's Parents suck lol, Also this is a first so if it sucks ass thats that, Coming Out, Homophobia, In 1993 to be more precise, Not beta read because Im insane, Set in the 90s, Supportive Sunset Curve</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:22:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30047799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/suicidedating/pseuds/suicidedating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How I like to imagine Alex came out to the band vs How he came out to his parents and what happened immediately after.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coming Out / Coming Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW // use of the q slur and the f slur and violence / abuse towards a teen inflicted by a parent</p><p>If any of those things are triggers or are upsetting to you please proceed with caution</p><p> </p><p>Both of those slurs are ones which I can reclaim !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were some things that were easy to ignore, like how Alex would flinch away anytime Reggie would try to hug him, or how he would duck his head down and walk faster whenever they walked by that bookstore with the pink triangle painted on the door while going to their gigs on the rougher side of town. But it was impossible to look past Alex's shaky hands and erratic feet when they rehearsed.</p><p>"Dude what has gotten into you?" Luke turned around to face him with a slightly annoyed look on his face, "You're totally off-beat."</p><p>"Yea, you've been acting kinda weird lately," Reggie sounded more concerned than annoyed, "you've been like suuuuuper distant." he rested his elbow on the curve of his bass, gesturing with his hand.</p><p>Bobby turned his head to face Alex as well, but stayed silent.</p><p>In that moment Alex felt like his throat was closing up, like not enough air was getting to his lungs. He knew they wouldn't let it go, and that they could tell when he was bullshitting them. His palms were sweating and everything felt like it was too much, he felt uncomfortable in his seat and his tongue felt like it wouldn't settle in his mouth and tears were starting to gather in his eyes and oh god he was about to have a panic attack. Reggie was surprisingly the first to notice, eyes widening as he set his guitar down, followed by Luke's expression softening when he realized what was happening. Bobby breathed out an "oh shit" when he finally saw Alex start to sob.</p><p><br/>Reggie was quick to move close to him, but knew that trying to hug him would probably result badly, so he settled for just speaking in the gentlest tone he could muster. "Hey man it's ok, we're just worried about you that's all." his hands awkwardly hovered over Alex's back as he held himself back from touching him. Luke approached Alex slowly but was visibly uncomfortable, not in a mean way, he just didn't know how to act when people cried in front of him. Bobby got to a slightly awkward distance where it felt a little too far to be intimate but Alex liked that it gave him some room.<br/><br/>"Alex, look at me," Bobby waited for Alex to raise his head before continuing, "ok now look up at the ceiling."<br/><br/>And Alex did. He focused on the ceiling of the studio until he forgot completely about his surroundings. His breathing had mostly evened out without him even realising, apart from the occasional sob.<br/><br/>"Hey man..." Luke scratched the back of his neck and stared at the ground, voice going quiet before he even started, "I'm sorry for seeming pissed at you I didn't like, mean to make you feel bad about what you're going through dude cause you're like, my best friend."<br/><br/>Alex still felt a little overwhelmed but it helped that everyone seemed a bit gentler with him now.<br/><br/>"We just don't want you to feel like you need to hide anything from us," Reggie hesitantly put his hand on Alex's shoulder. "we're always there for you, no matter what. Let's not keep secrets."<br/><br/>Alex took a deep breath and clenched his fists, staring down at his lap as he found the strength to finally tell them. To say the words that could destroy everything they've worked to build together, "I-I'm gay, ok?" his voice cracked pathetically. And then there was silence for a few seconds too long and Alex felt tears prick at his eyes again. "I can leave the band, just p-please don't tell my parents--"<br/><br/>"Woah woah woah, why would you leave the band?" Luke furrowed his brows and put his hands up in protest, "Dude there's nothing wrong with you being- with being gay, and we would never ask you to leave the band." His voice became slightly frantic by the end.<br/><br/>"And don't worry Alex, we would never tell your parents, that would be like, really uncool. " Reggie reassured "Plus, your parents scare me." which earned him an annoyed 'dude' from Luke and a small, shaky laugh from Alex.<br/><br/>"God... I'm so sorry guys, I didn't- I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable..." Tears were streaming from his eyes again, fists clenched by his sides.</p><p>"No! No, Alex you're not making anyone uncomfortable," Luke talked fast and his words sounded harsh and loud without meaning to, his own nervousness creeping in at the possibility of the band falling apart. "if it's worth anything, I'm really sorry for pressuring you into telling us. It really wasn't cool, and we would've stopped if we knew what it was about. --well but I guess if we knew we wouldn't have been asking in the first place, but then--"<br/><br/>"Luke, buddy, you're getting off-track." Bobby mumbled.<br/><br/>"Whatever, anyway," He looked at Alex intensely, "what I'm trying to say is, we love you."<br/><br/>"I love you guys too..." Alex smiled gently and wiped away his tears with the heel of his palm. "Is it weird if I ask for a group hug ?"<br/><br/>Reggie was the first to run up and wrap his arms around Alex, smiling brightly; then Luke leaned into Alex's side and embraced him, closing his eyes; then finally Bobby walked over and hugged Alex, tousling his hair with one hand. Finally, with all his bandmates showing their support for him, Alex finally felt like he could exhale.<br/><br/><br/><br/>--------------------<br/><br/><br/><br/>With all of this newfound acceptance Alex felt unusually blissful. Of course, it hadn't completely gotten rid of his anxiety, but it eased his nerves a bit to where he even felt confident enough to start drafting his own lyrics for a few potential songs. After all, now that the band knew about him being gay it's not like he had to hide this part of him in their music too. In fact, music is where he felt free to let go of his stress; where the perfect son and the perfect student and the quiet, obedient kid could be loud and, finally, maybe even proud.<br/><br/>He wasn't really expecting himself to show Luke, I mean, it's only a rough draft and Luke is very protective of his craft, he wouldn't just sing any song written by some newbie. With the security of knowing this song wasn't going to be for the public to hear, Alex felt free to write about liking boys without any subliminal messages or having to read between the lines. He wrote about how much it hurts to feel like you're wearing a costume at all times, like you aren't in your own body when you're in the closet. He wrote what he felt he needed to hear and it felt so relieving he even cried a few times while writing the songs.<br/><br/>Those days all felt <em>too</em> happy.<br/><br/>It all came crashing down one night when he came home from practice late and found his parents sitting at the dinner table; his mother with this ill look on her face, as if she was about to faint, and his father standing behind her chair with an expression of anger and disappointment. They had the lyrics notebook sprawled open in front of them.<br/><br/>His father was the first to talk, his voice sounded painfully loud in Alex's head already. "I knew that foolish band of yours was bad news! Unbelievable. That Patterson boy has you playing queer songs?"<br/><br/>"D-" Alex could barely get a sound out before his father started shouting again.<br/><br/>"Look at this! 'if loving makes me no man, men will pay no mind, his hands are bigger than mine, but I don't mind'? These lyrics are obscene! How could you allow this, Alexander?"<br/><br/>"Dad, STOP." Alex raised his voice. A moment of complete silence passed before Alex began to feel tears running down his cheeks. "Dad it was me. Those are my lyrics. Luke hasn't even seen them."<br/><br/>Another moment of suffocating silence passed before Alex's mom finally declared her presence with a loud sob. She buried her face in her hands and wailed. His father's expression shifted from angry to confused to furious.<br/><br/>"Don't lie to defend your little faggot friends Alexander!" His father slammed his hand down on the table, making his mother jump.<br/><br/>"I'm not lying dad! I'm gay!" Alex was shaking violently, he felt like he was forcing the words out through a throat that had been sealed shut.<br/><br/>"Alexander this isn't funny. Please just do as your father says and quit the band." His mother begged.<br/><br/>"It's not supposed to be funny. I'm gay and I'm not going to quit the band." Alex stood firmly, even while the ground beneath him felt like it would crumble at any time and his feet felt uneasy. He could hear his mother cry louder but it just felt so.... fake. Theatrical. He also heard his father's heavy footsteps walking towards him and soon felt a sharp stinging pain on his cheek of his father slapping him.<br/><br/>"Quit making your mother cry Alexander. You've become an embarrassment to this family." He scolded him. This was the first time his father had ever hit him. "Look at me Alexander. I'm willing to put this aside as long as you do not tell anyone about this and quit that stupid band at once."<br/><br/>"I'm not quitting the band dad!" Alex felt like he was about to collapse but he shouted back firmly once again.<br/><br/>"Well you choose, either you quit that damn band or you're out of this house." He got closer and held Alex by the collar of his shirt. Alex was getting to the same height as him now but he knew his dad could beat him in any physical altercation.<br/><br/>Alex shrugged him off and wiped his tears. "Fine. I'll pack my things."<br/><br/>And now he was walking aimlessly carrying a bag with all of his things in it. It was later than he thought and the night was cold and dark and he was scared. He was very scared. He didn't know where to go. The memory of his parents refusing to look him in the eye as he walked through the door burned in his memory. His eyes landed on a payphone and he fished for a quarter in his fanny pack and marched over to the phone. The quarter slid in and he dialed a familiar number.<br/><br/>"Hello?" Bobby answered, sounding groggy. In the background, his parents could be heard complaining about who could call at this hour.<br/><br/>"Hey Bobby I uh. I'm really so-rry but uhm. C-could you pl-ease g-give me a r-rid-de." He was sobbing through his words.<br/><br/>"Alex? Is everything ok?" Bobby seemed to have woken up. "Where are you right now?"<br/><br/>"I'm at t-the p-ayphon-ne near the f-ront ga-te of th-e p-park."<br/><br/>"O-ok Alex I'll uh. I'll go get you, hold on."<br/><br/>10 minutes later Bobby's van pulled up and he opened the window of the passenger seat, leaning to talk to Alex.<br/><br/>"Alex what happened?" Bobby shouted through the window.<br/><br/>"Can I explain in the car?" Alex's breathing had evened out enough to talk.<br/><br/>Bobby urged him in with a hand gesture. Alex opened the door and climbed in. He put the bag of things in the backseat and looked down at his lap. This all felt embarrassing and scary. Bobby kept looking at Alex and then back at the steering wheel, not wanting to say anything.<br/><br/>"Right.... I uh, I came out to my parents." Alex started, clenching his fists, "Well, not entirely I guess. They just kind of... found out. And uh, they thought it was because of the band or something and they said that either I had to quit the band or that... or that I had to leave. So I left."<br/><br/>Bobby reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Shit man. Sorry."<br/><br/>"It's..." He couldn't bear to say it was fine, "It's whatever. Listen I just... I just need a place to stay for a little bit. I'll find somewhere else to go soon I swear, I just need somewhere to crash for now and I guess you were the first person that came to mind since you have the van so...."<br/><br/>"It's ok man, but we're gonna have to bullshit my parents because they aren't exactly very supportive of gay people so I don't know how long you can stay." Bobby lit a cigarette and tipped the box towards Alex to offer him one, "We can tell them your parents are out on a business trip and you're alone in your house but you're locked out, but that'll only work for a week max."<br/><br/>Alex didn't take a cigarette. He didn't smoke and he didn't want to start now. Part of him still didn't want to disappoint more than he already had. It hurt to have worked so hard to be the perfect son his whole life and losing everything over something that was no fault. It hurt so bad to still be working so hard to prove to yourself that what they hate in you isn't a fault, and that you still are a perfect son. They just don't understand.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <strong><em>They never understood in time</em>.</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok uhmmm I hope this was ok to read !  I'm not rlly a writer so this was kicking my ass but I hope it was ok and I hope u enjoyed !  Also the trick Bobby uses to help Alex breathe is actually a trick my mom used when we choked on our food and it also worked pretty well with my panic attacks lol but I imagine he didn't even expect it to work with Alex and also he learned it the first time he ever smoked with his older brother and all his friends and they told him to look up at the ceiling when he was coughing and choking. So yea those r some fun facts and headcanons</p><p> </p><p>@suicidedating on twitter !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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